Rheugan: Four Little Words

Starting my attempt to sort out what's been going through Rheugan's head lately. This is from a good while ago, though I don't really remember exactly when (it was that long ago XD). Basically, it was after the first "warehouse job", shortly after Rheu'd come back from Northrend. On one of our Tuesday nights, Bricu had hinted heavily that Rheu would be welcomed into the Black and Red, although Rheu was so dumbfounded by the offer that it was decided he'd "think on it." This is the result of his thinking. I'd actually started this a while ago, about when this first happened, but I kinda lost my groove and couldn't finish it until now.

More current stuff will soon follow, unless Rheugan decides to shut me out again. >.<

_________________________

What do you want?

It was a simple question really, just four little words. It was also one that he still couldn't answer, although he thought he might be getting closer to it. Alanon insisted that once he could answer it, he would be all but healed. He just had to find that one missing piece of the puzzle.

Shaurria hadn't said anything when he told her he was going to Hyjal, just given him a knowing look. He felt a bit guilty, but he simply couldn't talk to anyone about some things. He had to find the answers himself.

Everything near the flamegate to the Molten Front had cleared out over the last few months. Ragnaros was defeated, his minions now under control, so most "adventurers" had found better things to do. No one was around to notice the gray stormcrow as it flew through the gate. Once on the other side feathers quickly changed to fur, and the shaggy black cat loped past the never-ending conflict at the gate, heading toward the Forlorn Spire.

At the top of the ramp he stopped and looked around. The Cinderweb spiders' numbers had apparently grown, as now they were all over the place. Perfect. Rheugan trotted to the Shadow Wardens' camp just long enough to check in, then he started his hunt.

The spiders were lazy and confident in their power. That just made them easier targets; the first one didn't even bother attacking him until he had made the first move. His claws scraped over its carapace before finding a hold, then his back legs dug in and ripped, and the thing's guts came apart along with some of its shell as it collapsed underneath him. Without another look at it he went after the next. After a few kills, it was easy to just let the cat take over, freeing his mind to start sorting out his current problems.

The most important thing, it seemed, was that he still didn't know where he belonged. Arvoss had given him a place to sleep at night, yes, but that didn't necessarily make it his home. And he felt no more comfortable with the Night elves, with the exception of Shaurria. But where could he go?

A part of him still insisted that he belonged in Gilneas. That part, however, was thankfully growing dimmer.

But did he want to join the Riders? He just didn't know. Tarquin had said that there would be things for him to do that wouldn't involve killing, but was that the answer? He really knew so few of them, and if he joined they would become his family. He was less than comfortable with the thought.

The one thing he kept coming back to was that it would be easier to stay close to Kyraine, but that was a thought he tried not to dwell on. He was fairly certain she didn't have a clue how he felt, but if she ever found out...

The burning of spider poison was a welcome distraction from that thought, and he quickly shifted out to heal himself, then gave himself up again to the cat. He noticed dimly that they had wandered far afield, and he debated heading back in, but the cat immediately let him know its disapproval. He'd been neglecting it, and it was enjoying itself well enough. He let it be without an argument.

The trouble was, he decided, that there were too many options at the moment, and he couldn't figure out which one might be best. Alanon might be able to help him, but the druid had been pressuring him to find the answers himself, so he left that as a last resort. He knew.... well, what? That at least the Riders would pay him? That would be a relief, and perhaps a way to recover some of his pride, but would it be enough? And what if they did ask him to do something he couldn't? He definitely did not want a repeat of the "dwarf incident."

Perhaps... perhaps it would be better to leave things as they were for a little longer. Alanon did say that sometimes things became clearer with time; perhaps it would work on this.

He'd been concentrating so hard that he was surprised when the cat gave him a "nudge." Rheugan stopped and looked around. There were no more spiders in his vicinity, and he abruptly realized how hard he was panting from the exertion. The cat made no protest this time as he headed back to the flamegate.

Back in Hyjal, the sun still shone down brightly, and there was still no one else in view. Rheugan went from cat to human, then sat on the edge of the bluff and stared out over his surroundings. Thinking.